If you could be anything, what would you be? What would your dream life look like?
I sat with this. My initial thought was I have no idea. How do I go about whittling down such a broad question? When asked this, we all have a similar reaction—grappling with our honest answer and the best way to say it. We overcomplicate things even though we know exactly what our answer is. We fear that saying it aloud will make it sound fantastical.
But to who? Certainly not the person we're talking to. They seem genuinely interested in our answer. So then why, to us, do our dreams sound ridiculous? I thought I'd try it out myself. Before I embarked on this major soul search, I double-checked that I was home alone. That's how nervous I was. I needed to make sure there was no life within fifty feet of me just in case they heard my answer.
Slowly I cupped my hands around my mouth and whispered, "I want to be the next Shonda Rhimes."
I waited for impact, for the world to fall out from under me or even worse, for that little voice in the back of my head to whisper, you're kidding yourself. But to my surprise, I was safe. No one had heard, what to me, was a ridiculous statement. Slowly, I removed my hands from my mouth and said it again, this time a little louder.
As I repeated the statement, I realized it wasn't true, well, not entirely. I didn't want to be the next Shonda Rhimes. I wanted to be Sarah Moen. I hoped to be the name a girl like me would whisper to herself when she was asked what her dream was. I aspired to be a woman who made it in a male-dominated field, who was able to create a plethora of shows, each one better than the next. That’s when that small voice reared its ugly head. Yeah, right, be realistic. Since when did being realistic equate to being negative?
I'm sure you're familiar with the famous shapeshifter, Meryl Streep. At twenty- seven years old, she walked into an audition for King Kong, where the casting director looked her over and declared she was too ugly to be an actress. I can imagine that ride home. Young Streep with a brain clouded with doubt, her insecurities running wild, and the most terrifying thought of all, is she right? What I can't imagine is Meryl Streep driving away thinking to herself, being an actress wasn't realistic anyway. Today I was defeated. Now it's time to look back into my philanthropist gig.
Hard to picture, isn't it? That's because she took that bitter taste in her mouth and swallowed it. She went to her next audition, and one after that, and another after that, until she became the Meryl Streep we all know and love. So what is it? Where does this tiny voice come from inside me, telling me that my dream is too far-fetched? Where does it come from inside you? We've all felt that overpowering fear. But fear of what—not succeeding?
The next question I asked myself was, what stunts people from trying to succeed, failure or defeat? That kind of sounds like a riddle, I suppose, but when you think about it, you'll see they are two very different things. Failure is hard to stomach. You can't even imagine failing at your dream. What will people think of you? There it goes again, that reflex to prepare for the worst.
In this day and age, it's hard to feel like we don't have our own audiences following us around, and how could you possibly let down those loyal Instagram followers, those oh so close Facebook friends? What will they think if you're promoting a new business, only for it to not take off?
The answer is nothing. They won't care because, guess what, they're too preoccupied with succeeding themselves. That's why the first thing is to stop worrying about is other people. As hard as it is for you to believe this, they aren't that invested in your life. Now, what happens when a real failure comes along? Your business isn't as great as your competitor, your idea has been done before, or worse, it's just not that great.
This is where people become afraid. But it's up to us to decide whether or not something is a failure or a defeat. When I say failure, I mean something you can perceive as a mere bump in the road. Defeat, on the other hand, indicates it's time to pack up and abandon all future attempts.
We need to understand we will always have failures, that's inevitable, but only we can say when we're defeated. Defeat is final, and it’s up to us to wave the white flag and surrender. So now that we know everyone has failed, and we’re the only ones capable of declaring defeat, the path to succeeding shouldn’t seem so frightening.
The key ingredient is believing. We all need to truly believe in our product, whether that's a company, an idea, or ourselves, to be able to survive those bumps in the road. Yes, we are scared, but as my dad always told me, "Feel the fear and do it anyway." I'm still not ready to shout, "I want to be Sarah Moen and write my own show" from the rooftops. But I'm constantly writing, coming up with ideas for new series, and watching shows for inspiration. As I do this, my dream moves further away from ridiculous and closer to reality.
In order to not be stunted by words like failure and defeat, we have to take our own baby steps. We must say our dreams out loud, even if they're almost inaudible. By doing this, we will soon be able to scream our dreams from the rooftops, and by then, they likely won't only be dreams.
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